The Best Laid Plans…of Angels?

a Christmas Open House 2017 skit created by Anna and Sarah.  Offered here by permission.

 

Settings: in a conference room, staff meeting

Characters

  • Angelina – Anna
  • Michelle – Amanda
  • Gabrielle – Crystal
  • Lucy – Sarah
  • Jesus – Karissa

Props

  • Paper and pen for Angelina – maybe clipboard?
  • Papers for Michelle, Gabrielle, and Lucy to shuffle through and take notes on
  • PowerPoint for locations and people and things?
  • Maybe a paper firecracker?
  • Paper scroll for Jesus

Angelina: All right, did everyone receive the interoffice memo?  As you know, the time is getting close for the Son to head down to earth.   We have to do some legwork, get things ready for him.  I need Michelle to take the pile of possible locations, and narrow them down to about 3-4 sites.

Gabrielle, you need to look at our people database, and come up with a good set of parents for him, since he’s going as a baby.

Michelle:  Does he have to be a baby We used that fiery chariot to take Elijah, can’t we just send the Son down there in that, full grown? We won’t need to worry about parents that way.

Angelina: [consults notes in hand] No, it has to be as a baby.

Gabrielle: Do the parents have to be married now, or can I play matchmaker?

Angelina:  It’s up to you. It will probably be easier to find two individuals, and push them together than to find an already established pair.  [Consults notes] It doesn’t say here whether he needs siblings or not. That’s all up to you.  Just give us a short list.

Lucy, you will organize the announcement.  [count on fingers] Who we will be announcing to, and how we will be doing that.  Just three or four options.  Any questions? [Pause] All right.  We will meet back here after lunch to make the final decisions.  Good luck.

[Angelina exits.  Michelle, Gabrielle and Lucy mime flipping through pages, writing lists, looking really busy.  They fake eating lunch.  Angelina enters]

Angelina: Okay, so do all of you have your short lists?

[Michelle, Gabrielle and Lucy nod]

Angelina: Then let’s hear them, and make our decisions.

Michelle:  I looked through all of the locations we were given, and I have narrowed it down to three sites. Our first contender – the city of Rome.  It is a big city.  It is the current capitol of the known world, although I peeked into the Futurecast© and it loses that status eventually.

Angelina: Is there anything to do there?

Michelle: Of course! There’s…no that hasn’t been built yet. Well, they…no, no one’s thought of that yet…

Anyway, choice number 2 is a little town called London.  It’s not much to speak of right now, I know, but the countryside is very lovely – when it’s not raining.

Angelina: And when is that?

Michelle: Almost never. But the Futurecast© says it will be a big deal down the line, especially a part of it called Heathrow Airport.  It will be a major intersection once the world gets bigger. Plus, there’ll be a huge Eye there that will see EVERYTHING!

Angelina: Okay, that sounds promising…

Michelle: Our final contender is a little area that will be called Las Vegas, Nevada, in the United States.  With all the bright lights on the strip, we can practically see it from here!  It will definitely be a place to attract attention.

Gabrielle: And hotels are fantastic – and cheap.  It’s one of the few places where you can get a five-star hotel for the price of a motel 6 elsewhere.  So it won’t cost a lot for all the people that will come and see him to find a place to stay.

Angelina: We’ll eliminate the Nevada one.  A fast enough boat hasn’t been invented yet.  What do you guys think about the others?  I’m leaning towards London.

Michelle: I still vote for Vegas!

Gabrielle: I think Rome is the best option.

Lucy: London! Galoshes and raincoats are the BEST accessories for any occasion.

Angelina: Well, that’s two for London. The Eye has it. Moving on to the parents.

Gabrielle:  So we have these sets of parents.  Set #1 is already married. They have ark loads of money and 2 children, so he will never be lonely or want for anything.

Angelina: …It’s a start…

Gabrielle: Then I have a whole cast of single people. Well, mostly single women. I only found this one guy, Sven. None of them know each other but we can change that.

Angelina: There’s an end to this correct?

Gabrielle: Oh, yeah. We will relocate them all to the same town, he can get to know all the women. He can narrow down the ones that he likes by giving them a Rose of Sharon. The one he likes the most will get a ring and wedding.

Angelina: You are going to be on top of this the whole time right?

Michelle: It can be just like the beauty contest Esther won!!! Just without the threat of mass extinction!

Gabrielle: (exclaims) OH! This is going to be so much fun mixing and matching to find out who is cutest together. We can call it…The Bible Bachelor.

Angelina: I like the contest elements.  Lucy, what do you have?

Lucy:  Oh, boy. I’m so excited.  This has been so much fun.  Did you know there were so many different kinds of announcements?  So our first option is Sky writing, the Futurecast© shows a clip of a sickly woman using a broom to do that for a girl named Dorothy.  At least I think she was sick – her face was all green.

Or we could use the machine called an airplane – I saw that one in the Futurecast© too – or it would be really cool to make the clouds look like words.  And maybe a fish symbol?

Angelina: You’ve got a lot of good ideas. Dangerous, but good. Let’s hear something a bit safer.

Lucy: Ok, if you don’t like those ideas, I also have these colorful explosives that the Chinese have invented.  They have one that looks like a dragon, and some that make crackling noises.  They are definite attention grabbers. And I just think…

[Enter Jesus]

Jesus: What’s going on in here? Did I hear something about Chinese? Did I miss lunch…

Angelina:  We’ve been putting the final touches on your trip to earth.  Would you like to see the proposal?

Jesus:  Sure, since I am the one to sign off on it, let’s see what you have.

Angelina:   So we have chosen London for the location.  It’s a little off the beaten path, but it will be a great city center one day. [Jesus frowns and shakes his head] What’s wrong?

Jesus: [waves scroll in his hand] We told Micah about 7-800 years ago that I’d be going to Bethlehem in Judea.

Angelina: Okay, noted.  And now, we have picked Sven and his unknown bride.  They haven’t met yet, but we can change the location of the contest to Bethlehem. Give us a few minutes to get that figured out and we’ll have a working plan…no good?

Jesus: No, we told Isaiah – right around the same time that we were letting Micah in on the future – that my parents would be from David’s line.  We have already selected Mary and Joseph.  They are both from David’s line.  And they are right nearby, only 100 miles away.  It won’t take much to move them to Bethlehem.

Angelina: And the announcement – did you already tell anyone how that was going to happen?  Or who was going to hear it?

Jesus: No, I hadn’t gotten that far yet. I figured you guys would want to do something.

ALL ANGELS: Thank God!

Lucy: You couldn’t have helped me out even a little?! (Under breath) They didn’t have to do anything…

I’ve got it! A rock concert! That will be heard all around the world.

Michelle: If it were in Vegas, they could see it too.

Jesus: I’m liking it…

Angelina: Weeeee don’t have the budget for that.

Lucy: Don’t have or WON’T have?

Gabrielle: Won’t have…

Lucy: Okay, what about a Marching band? They will volunteer for the love of the music!

Jesus: Well, I’ll be a baby, so we won’t be marching anywhere…

Lucy: Right…well…then I’m out of ideas. Help me out Big Guy?

Jesus:  You can have one angel chorus – your audience is everyone who hears.

Lucy: That’s…a lot of people.

Jesus: Well, it’s mostly shepherds. And their sheep.

Michelle: No bright lights?

Jesus: You can have one star on the east side.  The smart people will figure it out.